Communication Breakdown

What a great Led Zeppelin song! Of course, that's not what I'm writing about. I've noticed a disturbing trend in the way people communicate. I'm not sure if it's the advent of the internet or just skewed views on how to communicate in general.

The first thing I've noticed, and I'm sure I've done myself on occasion, is a trend to take something a friend tells you and play Devil's Advocate with them. As an example, I told two friends the same story today. The story was about someone they didn't know and a situation I had with that person. The first friend automatically started asking questions to try to see if there was something I wasn't telling him and was looking at taking the other person's side in the situation. The second friend listened and when I was done related a similar situation he had been involved in. The second friend did the right thing. With friends, understand that the friend is telling you everything you need to know and there is no reason to argue it or choose the side of a stranger. Even if you don't know all of the details, you should still listen politely and give your friend the benefit of the doubt. That's part of friendship and it's a proper way to communicate. Besides, why would you ever side with a stranger over a friend? Being a friend means you have a relationship strong enough to know and understand each other to some extent. That is why they are your friend. You don't make friends by making every conversation some sort of debate.

The second thing I've noticed is how some people do what I call "reading between the lines". I'm not the sort to hint at things so it really disappoints me that people who know me would assume that I'm implying something I'm not or twisting my words around. My ex-wife does this sort of thing. I'm a very literal, blatant person. I stick to the topic at hand and I don't veer off subject. People that steer conversations to alternate subjects have a serious problem communicating. The idea of conversation is to converse about a subject and stay on it until it's time to move to a different subject and it is mutually agreed on. Steering conversations is a tactic for people who either don't understand the subject at hand or just enjoy conflict.

The third thing I've noticed probably is closer to being spurred on by the growth of the internet. Relationships take cultivating. The internet has provided opportunities to turn on people with little to no provocation. The friends you think you are making may not be friends at all. You may find that one little disagreement ends all contact with someone you thought was your friend. Instead of taking time to work through disagreements, you may also have a very public forum to air things that would normally be done in private and it turns into something hateful instead of an opportunity to strengthen a friendship.

It's amazing to see how this has started with young people and started to work its way up in age. I know there are more ways to communicate than ever and it's made us all more impersonal in some ways. You will always see things in a direct form here. I don't hint at anything but fun surprises and I don't take potshots at anyone here, unless it's my ex or Democrats, of course. Words mean things. Relationships mean things. Take the time to choose your words carefully and to cultivate relationships with those you meet. Those you touch will be your legacy.